Dear Autism

Dear Autism,
It’s one AM and our boy is upset. Crying, he is struggling to tell us what he needs. Tonight we are playing twenty questions, but in this version we have to guess the answers to these questions. Does your belly hurt? Do you want a drink? Does your head hurt? Do you need to be rocked? Are you wet? Are you hungry? Do you want a bath? All these questions and the only response we receive is tear filled and cries of frustration.

Mommy has given him my phone so he can play, but it only works for a moment. So mommy turns on the nursery rhymes and that helps a bit, but we are still fighting an inner battle.

He grabs my hand and leads me to rub his head, so I think his head hurts. I give him ibuprofen just in case that is what is wrong. Now I’ve waited patiently for it to kick in, but we are back at square one although it should’ve started to work by now.

He climbs in my lap and I start to pat his back and it makes him even more angry, he doesn’t want to be touched. He wants to walk around now. So momma walks the hallway and shuts the bedroom doors one by one. Now he can roam without waking anyone else. But that is not what he wants either.

I have tried everything I know to try and with no luck. I am begging you to please let me in his world. His world is sacred and I promise not to damage it. I won’t tear anything down, I will help him build. I won’t stain it, but only help paint it brighter. I swear I won’t burn down the beauty within, but I will invest in it and help it grow. If only you could unlock the doors to let me in even if its just for a moment, you will see I mean his world no harm. I just want to see how he sees, hear what he hears, and speak his language. Please just let me in, let me help soothe his upset heart. Let me talk with him, let him tell me what he needs. Please Autism I beg you to let me in, unlock the doors.

If you won’t let me in now I will understand, you’re just guarding his doors until you find we are worthy to be more than onlookers and become a part of his very special world. But you better believe tomorrow I will be back again begging and pleading for you to unlock the doors let us in.

We will not give up on him. We will continue to learn all we can so we can help him grow. We will continue to play with him and love on him. No matter what the challenge may be we will push together to help him over come it. We will help him climb all mountains he’s faced with. The parts he cannot climb we will put him on our back and we will carry him.

And you will see our resiliency is untouchable. Will it be then that you unlock the door? Will you let us in when we have proven our selves worthy to be in his world. We will rise to the challenge you’ll see.

Sincerely,
Momma

#autismstrong #raylansclimb #autismawareness #differentnotless #autismworld

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