Self image is a battle for me and over the last two years I have discovered how to love my body where it is. Every once in awhile I crash and burn. All to often at the false steering of someone else. We all can say some pretty spicy stuff every now and again, that we may mean to be taken lightly. However, we need to hold our tongues and think before we speak. You never know what someone else is battling. They may be laughing with you masking their struggles, but truth is you will never know. We need to be kind to ourselves. We need to be forgiving with ourselves. And most importantly we need to Love ourselves, no matter what the world says. We were not meant to be identical. We are not meant to be cookie cutters. We are not meant to be perfect.
I struggled many years trying to fit into some one elses idea of perfect. I have then spent years trying to rebuild love for myself after the hurtful words or actions of someone else. My mama used to always tell me that “Hurting people hurt people”. That was her way of helping work through the pain. Most of the time that is true, but I’ve grown to learn people are assholes more often than not.
Actual quotes from people stomping on myself esteem.
“I wish you were a little more feminine” … yeah ok I was 16. Loved fishing, hunting, and dirt biking. I’ve come to the conclusion that this guy’s masculinity was challenged by the fact he couldn’t change a spark plug and I could.
“That hair color just makes you look trashy” … Cool, I thought red was the color I was given as a baby.
“17 and pregnant? You’re a whore”… oh I’m a whore because I decided to own up instead of killing my unborn baby. GO to hell he’s 11 and the best thing that ever happened to me.
“You’re a freckled freak”… hey bet you didn’t think in 2018 people would be buying faux freckles as part of their daily makeup.
You see these are comments that have stuck with me all through my life. Each at a different stage of my life and the list goes on. I let people beat me down for years, but I chose to object any negative comments in writing every day. I’ll keep a notebook and everytime someone says something negative about me, I’ll object it with something positive.
Starting with the come back from a lady tonight about my jeans fit. I told her exactly the truth about how jeans fit me. Her response was quick, witty, and unknowingly hurtful…”Well you just don’t have the perfect body”
I’ve had 8 pregnancies, I have 4 children I never had three chance to hold. I have 4 children who walk beside me daily and have yet to meet their siblings. I am a mom, a friend, a wife, and my body has created life.